Leadership, Lifestyle, Relationships April 9, 2018

To detach or not to detach…

…I see no difference between you and me. My life is a succession of events, just like yours. Only I am detached and see the passing show as a passing show, while you attach to things and move along with them.”

~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Recently I found a piece of yellow-lined legal paper with a few scribbles of my handwriting. This happens quite a bit. I’m constantly finding notes and pieces of thoughts written all over pads, books, notes, both inside and outside my computer. I’ll stumble upon something and think, “Wow. Who said that? Oh yeah. I remember writing that down and the conversation/podcast/book/random thought that inspired it. Cool.”

Here is a very recent note:

Women in leadership need to be able to create a life for themselves that doesn’t bury/suffocate who they are.

This is the beginning of conversation I’ve been having with myself, and I’m inviting you to join:

We need to be able to breathe. To think. To love fully expressed. To have time. To have the experience of living life. To FEEL.

Being the leader of your own life first, is the most important thing we can do. This will then feed all other lines of professional and personal leadership with the best and highest quality fuel possible.

This is an invitation to busy, professional, working women (specifically mothers) everywhere – either in the corporate world or world of entrepreneurship – to let go of the want/need to cover themselves up with the identity of what I do and how much I do. To let go of the constant battle within to control our thoughts, our actions, other people, and most importantly…

How we feel. And how much we feel.

This shift I’m referring to is from what I do to Who I Am.

All of our doing has disconnected us from the sensual, feeling nature of being a woman.

We are emotional, energetic creatures by design. It’s necessary for human survival and peace in the world. That’s a big statement and I’m really ok making it. It’s time we started using our voices and making statements that matter.

Then there’s detachment from the quote above.  Non-attachment.

These are words, ideas, concepts that can start at confusion and end up at frustration.

In our modern society, it’s common for the idea of detachment to occur for us as cool, aloof, non-caring.

But what if attachment is the cause of suffering?

What if we could see the events and situations happening in life as they are happening, without dragging in all our past judgments, ideas, and beliefs about how we think things are or should be? What if we can see events as a “passing show” not “move along with them?”

When we are attached to something/someone/some idea/some belief we are very invested in that thing and take it on as if it IS who we are. We get so involved in the story of the thing, and who we are in it, that the story takes over as if it is reality.

The most confusing part of this way of being for me has been to still be in touch with what I feel. Still allowing feelings to arise and fully engaging with them to have a whole experience of life.

You see, I can take detachment a little too literally.

My tendency, throughout my life, has been to be in such control of my “observer” nature, that I viewed full expression of feeling (think some sort of emotional release) as a waste of time. Or unnecessary. Or giving up. Or not being in control.

Or too messy.

The distinction I’m outlining is my own learning around remaining peaceful and detached from the emotional stories and drama of my thoughts, and still being in touch with and fully expressing my voice, my gifts, my feelings, my love.

The shadow side of my natural tendency for non-attachment, calmness and ability to “think” my way out of non-useful high emotional states, (which has a long history from childhood – won’t bore you with the details) is not allowing myself to fully feel. As a human. As a woman.

This is my work. It’s sometimes uncomfortable and mostly incredibly delicious.

And for some of you, I’d bet it’s yours too.

I got you mama.

It’s time to open wide.